Tears

It is Sunday, mom.  I will go to church again and cry this morning.  Tears, always tears.  I remember you did the same thing for years and I used to get annoyed with you.  That was before I understood.  Oh, mom, I get it now.  I am sorry I did not before.  I hope I never showed impatience with you.  I get it that your heart was breaking and your spirit was worshiping  all at the same time.  I get it that you wanted so many good things for your family and you were wrestling with trusting God  to give His best.  Was your heart breaking over sin and your own unworthiness?  Were they tears of gratitude and relief that your spirit understood it was all going to be ok in the end?  Tears of pain over years of unanswered prayers?  Tears of grief over missing people that had gone on before you and just wanting a few more moments with them?  I don't know, mom, but I have a feeling I am close.  I get it, now.  No more tears for you in heaven so I will shed them for you here as well and Jesus will keep them in a bottle-He says so.  Not sure what He will do with that bottle but I trust Him and am glad He holds mine and yours and that you are free to shed no more.