Man, this sucks. Hitting me in the face tonight how little control I really have. Can't make my kids turn out a certain way or even make them love or trust me. Can't change people and can't control their hearts or the path God has for them. I can only focus on me and God. Me and God. Why do I keep forgetting that and trying to play God instead by manipulating and seeking control? Do I really even want control? No way. Way too much for me. I can't force people to relate to me like I want them to. I can only love them. That is always enough. When will I learn? Not control, but love. Not demanding certain behavior, but love. Not harboring grudges or being envious but love. I wish I knew how to love better. Then I might actually be surprised at what I see I. People. Pleasantly surprised.