Absence

Well, it happened last night.  I dreamed about Christmas, as I often do.  We were all there as a family, making a feast-there were even these cool mini-zucchinis that looked like baby carrots-random.  It was festive and decorative and alive with people, except you weren't there, mom.  First dream where you were absent.  I hate that.  I had hoped that I could interract with you still in my dreams.  They have been so vivid these past years but now with your passing, even that has ended.  Again, I hate it.  Instead, there was some strange air force friend of dad's who was bossing everyone around and rearranging our living room and kitchen cabinets and I was so angry at him for intruding on our family time.  Then I saw the advent calendar-remember, mom?  The one you so carefully made with all the little colored birdies-we each had our favorite color.  It was there, in the living room with all these delicate chains hanging off of it and I was fingering them, and thinking about you.  And you were not there.  I dread Christmas this year without you.  I know it is about Jesus and I know it will be beautiful and special because of Him, but you always made it magical for us and I will miss your presence more than you know.