The Dark Night

This is it, God, isn't it? The dark night of the soul where everything I have leaned on is wrenched away until all I have is naked trust. I am terrified. Of what? Of pain for me or of displeasing You? O God, I hope it is fear of displeasing you but I am far less noble than that. I am wallowing in my own filth and sorrow. I am afraid of the hatred in my heart and of being disqualified from Your kingdom and of losing some things I love dearly. If you need to take them, then do. If it means I can know You more-take my church, my friends, even my family, if it will bring me closer to you. Desperate-that is what I was in my closet last night when I was faced with my epic failure to love.....and the victory Satan was having at that moment. All I could do was cry "help me, God", over and over and over. This is a dark night. But I know joy comes in the morning. I think I am also afraid of the night being too long.