Denial

Denial is like the eye of a hurricane. It brings a pseudo sense of peace in the midst of the storm. You think all is well, for a brief time. Then into the storm you go again-get whipped around in the fury, realize that "oh, yes, this is a storm I am in" and long for that sweet eye spot again. I have been in denial about my mother's Alzheimers-just for a brief time-just a couple of weeks. Enough time for me to sweep it into the background of my life while I go on. Last night I was thrown from the eye back into the storm. I have come to realize that although it is not optimal, I am going to have to use denial again periodically. Like a window shade you can pull down to hide the view outside. I will have to pull it down so I can go on with my life and concentrate on what is inside the house and not the ravages outside. My shade will give a little relief and then I know it will suddenly spring open, unexpectedly or perhaps I will open it for a little peek. Maybe someday, by God's grace alone, I can lift it completely and live inside, while still fully seeing what is outside. God will give me the strength to do this someday. But for now, I think He is helping protect me until He knows I am strong enough-to weather the storm-to really see what is outside.