I walked into your room last night and could barely contain myself. I looked at the collage of you and Clover and burst into tears in my heart. They had to wait until we were finished praying to stream from my eyes. I can't believe you are leaving us at the end of this year. I ask myself every day where 18 years has gone and then I remember: toting you around as a baby with me everywhere, your incessant questions ever in my ears. Filming you playing dress up and dancing ("I dancin'")-watching you for hours as you entertained your baby sister, pouring the foundation that has cemented your relationship over the years-teaching you everything, from reading to history to math to cooking to sewing to making your bed and what spices to use in what dishes ("Rachel, this is your tip for the day.....")-the spices were very important! Watching you with your first real pet-Clover-seeing you take such good care of her over the years and seeing your heart of love for her-you on the court playing Upward Basketball-dancing ballet and me taking you every week and then you driving yourself-getting to know Burnet road like the back of my hand. Watching your grace coupled with discipline and your passion for the art of ballet. Reading your newspapers that you wrote to me on a regular basis for a while, hearing your heart and having the honor of you asking me the tough questions-ones which I often did not have answers to. You making me spa baths, cleaning up the house and decorating your room with style. Getting to go with you and the team to Summit and all our crazy memories of that trip that I will never forget-hiking with you in the mountains of Colorado, hanging at the cabin-you on the swing, carefree and full of life. Our talks in the car together over the thousands of miles we logged over the years-reading aloud together and crying and dissecting books and analyzing. Praying every night in your room and late night talks. Saturday morning pancakes, going to the hill with Clover, to the pool on Wednesdays, to Mission Possible on Fridays-all our field trips, family vacations, Colorado treks. All the years we spent in Awana together and all the verses that are in your heart. Trying to find shoes at the mall, or a dress for prom, or whatever it was we were looking for on any given day. How can I possibly post 18 years worth of memories that burst into my mind at random moments and painfully remind me that I am losing you this year? Not exactly losing you-just shifting what has been our family into a new shape. I am so grateful to God for the gift that you are in my life, for the times we have shared, for homeschooling that has bought me so much more time with you, for the relationship we have and for the future which I know if going to be so sweet because of Him. Thank you for making my life richer by being in it-thank you for all the times you were honest with me, rebuking me, encouraging me to do what is right, listening to me rant and rave and accepting me-always seeing the best. I will miss your dailyness in my life, Chell.
